Sunday, 13 January 2008

In and out

I'm always quite impatient for the paperboy to arrive on Sunday. It is a new phenomena having the paper delivered as for many years I had the luxury of living next door to a shop. At 8:30am I consider him to be late. A routine has developed, I keep one ear out to hear him drop The Sunday Times on the mat outside the front door. I open said door (usually in dressing gown), Gareth (he gave us a Christmas card - ingenious as you leave one out for him with a tip or else how would you enjoy your Christmas lunch) re mounts his bike and mutter some unintelligible comment - it could be morning or p*ss off, who knows. I think (about G.) 'couldn't you have bought yourself an ipod with your Xmas tip money'. He annoyingly cycles round delivering the papers with his mobile phone playing tunes.

Cup of coffee in hand, I sit down to read the paper for the next hour before my run. My routine follows the same pattern, Style magazine, Money and then News Review. Not every single article is digested I do that later and also move onto the Sunday Times magazine and then main news bit - by Tuesday. Now, I realise my habits, reasonable or otherwise are of no earthy consequence to you. The reason for sharing my morning's method of procedure is to take you to the point I almost leaped in the air with delight. I certainly exclaimed 'Oh yes!'. Because - with must gusto and a more forthright manner than I could muster, AA Gill stated exactly the same point as I made in my book Make do & Mend, in this weeks Table Talk article.

Now I love AA Gill - he is as direct as Jeremy Clarkson but with more panache and fortitude. Well, they both have an equal firmness of mind, just Jeremy tends to employ stream of consciousness - unthinkingly!

Mr Gill was pouring forth on the banality of diet and certain peeps relationship with their bodies. Anyway one paragraph says it all:
'So, here is my broken resolution, and a final word on size and food. Pay attention. All diets work. When I taught cooking, people used to say that recipes didn’t work. Well, all recipes work, if you know how to cook. The Kama Sutra works, if you know how to shag. It’s not diets that fail, it’s you, you miserable, spineless, sticky-fingered fridge magnet. All diets come down to the same sentence: more in than out, you get fat; more out than in, you get thin. It’s not rocket science, it’s bicycle science.'

For the full version ...

Ah happy days, see page 32 of my book which reads, 'Basically the same principle of income and expenditure is translated to food. What you put in and what your expends equals your weight.'

And for those of you who won't stop badgering me about sales bargains, count to 10 and think about if you'd still love said item in 6 months. If you have to cave into your weak wills, then on-line offers plenty of designer handbag bargains. If your lucky enough to live near Esher nipped to Bernards of Esher - yes ignore the name it is a great little emporium, more stockbrokers wives than footballers. That said if you want a great bargain of a Marc Jacobs bag - Bernards is your destination. But please do read Hunter Davies in Sunday Times money first and then think about your credit card bill.

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