Monday 25 January 2010

Thought of the week - Contentment

When The Mercer Hotel in New York sent me a Happy New Year card last week, it brought a smile to my face.
My first thought was the fact they'd never sent me a card before when I was a good customer. Now I'm not a customer they must be chasing me to become one again, are times hard(er)? It was however, pleasant to be transported back to a glamorous time. A time when my friend and I would often say 'Ah the glamour of it all' as we were flown in by helicopter to the Monza F1 grand prix. When a shop was in order, off it was to New York or Milan. Selfridges was just a lunch time browse. I recalled popping into Gucci on Bond Street to help a colleague choose a belt and how I casually bought a bag without it denting my salary.

I haven't stayed at The Mercer since 2007 and in those three years I've become a make do, currently penniless soon to be awarded a Master's degree person, contemplating doing a Ph.D. I envisage a scenario where someone calls out 'is there a doctor' in a public place and I say 'yes' but of course I would only be a doctor in fashion so the most help I'd be is to advice the person in need of medical assistance not be caught short in that dreadful outfit again. Hardly a way to make friends and impress people!

Yet I used to be impressed by money and wealth. I was never wealthy enough to be considered rich. I was never stopped at Heathrow after a long weekend in NYC as I was hardly worth the effort, in fact my poor suitcase looked dreadful after a mauling by the US customs when I went to Philadelphia. Now I can't afford to buy a new one. What impressed my about money was the lifestyle you could lead. How it bought an ease. People did things for you, like open the door and when I stayed at The Mercer I could skip across to Prada and browse and they'd show me things give me coffee or champagne even though I rarely bought. It was the experience. However I became inured of it all to dull the sheer boredom and stress that was my job. This year will be the sixth year of my escape from corporate hell.

Working in a corporate is not hell to all. We all have different purposes and likes. This is a good thing we enjoy different things, but for me I felt like a caged animal. Shopping, wine, restaurants, travel etc. were a lifestyle addiction to compensate for the fact I hated my job. I couldn't articulate my dislike because it wasn't the companies fault, nor my colleagues, even the ones I viewed as idiots, no it was me. I was never cut out for it. I remember driving to work some days with the rest of the commuters and thinking what if we all just go home and refuse to pay our mortgages. This was not what others were thinking.

Being content is much underrated. Happiness is the one that gets all the focus - finding happiness is the holy grail. I prefer being content. Contentment means even when you feel a bit down you don't have any pressure. When you feel content you can look but not be envious; you can want but shrug your shoulders and still smile. You value the toothless person who asks you the time as much as business person who buys you coffee when you have a meeting in Carluccios.

I actually gave up my marketing job nearly six years ago and thanks to a generous payout and my work as a stylist I had time and money on my side for a while. Which again to some extent I squandered. Now in my content (but not smug) state I can safely say you won't find contentment in perfection (home, job, setting the dinner table just so), but you will find it by not setting your standards too high. You won't find contentment by using your credit card on an item you haven't got cash for, but if you manage on your income, paying bills first, having a contingency fund you'll feel easier. Planning for a pension will drive you up the wall regardless given the systematic abuse of pension funds by bankers et al.

Contentment is not a Chanel 2.55 bag*, it is appreciation of your life and well being - which doesn't mean to say luxury doesn't have its place but pleasure should be found in the humdrum of existence as well. If we could somehow all of us across the world find contentment then compassion will heal more suffering and question the defining drive of materialistic gain that cost lives. In the developing world poverty and disease kill but in the developed world a sense of worth costs countless lives. Last week many of us in the blogging community were shocked by news of a suicide that has immense implications for a family. Whilst money isn't the long term answer to such a matter in the short term it will provided food and sustenance. If you have a moment do read this post.

So apologies to The Mercer, what with Haiti and fellow bloggers in need, I'm afraid I'll keep the memories for now.

* I still want one. I'll freely admit to this shallow desire but it doesn't define me and it won't make me happy- well just a smidgen!

20 comments:

  1. What a fantastic post and such wise words, when you realise that being free and happy is so much more satisfying than being hip and rich. My life has changed considerably since we sold our business we are lucky because we can afford to do this, but what matters to us is quality time, spent together, both as a couple and as a family. We don't go on holiday much as we are content here. Yes, I still have a passion for fashion but I am so much fussier about what I spend now and dont shop as often, as i have said before £ per wear is my motto and will spend a lot on jeans, shoes and a good coat and each year or two buy one new dress that I wear often because I love it and it looks hot ! Rather than being discontent and not being able to buy enough constantly looking to satisfy insatiable hunger for the latest thing, the best holiday, car etc etc. I am aware that I may be rambling here as I have just woken up but wanted to comment;) Life is about the journey and the more at one you are with nature and the important things in life realising your contentment the happier you are. Saying that I am planning to take my boys to New York next December to stimulate them with something totally different. I may be in touch for ideas and places to visit etc as I only shopped when I was there ..ooops x

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  2. I also thought it was a great post and I loved the paragraph about being a Doctor in Fashion, that really made me laugh. I struggle to believe contentment isn't a 2.55, one day we will both have one, I promise xx P.S. If I ever pluck up the courage to fly to New York, I will meet you at the Mercer xx

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  3. I was at a wedding last night when a man had a heart attack, one of the first things I noticed was that he was wearing a really cheap and ill-fitting blue shirt, he really could have used you. (By the way, he's fine now, I think it was really indigestion).
    I have spent the last year losing my contentment with everything - I think a Chanel 2.55 would be a good start to get it back, damn I missed the point didn't I?

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  4. LOL sorry I have to giggle at Cybill, Man dying and she notices cheap shirt ! Shock horror worst nightmare to die badly dresses, girl after my own heart.. NB to self wear expensive knickers always.. just in case.
    xx

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  5. Another great post. And yes contentment is important, also I think appreciating what you and who you have. But sometimes little things (like 2.55 bags) can help to perk one up for long enough to remember to be content :)

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  6. I have spent months trying to pluck up the courage to leave my well paid (but awful!) job and do the (considerably underpaid) job i've always dreamed of. Reading this again might give me a little more courage! Great post x

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  7. Thanks for the reminder that while happiness is a worthy goal, contentment is a far healthier state of mind. Most human beings are wired to be restless, so true contentment is a wonderful gift.

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  8. Hi there-another fabulous, thought provoking post and a lifestyle which I feel I aspire and relate to. I have my worst paid job in my life, but feel so much more content and happier. Ditto too, now that I thrift for pieces that indulge my pleasure and passion for style and fashion. Its all about being content and happy with what you have, rather than chasing what you haven't. Still, I too wouldn't say no to the Chanel 2.55 either!!

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  9. I understand what you mean...corporations are seeking for money now than ever...

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  10. Kate: I'm so resonating with your posts lately. Very beautifully expressed... This no frittering thing has me thinking about a lot of stuff. I know some of our blog friends have done shopping bans - for even longer stretches - and though I considered the implications of their experiences, it's very different to be confronted by checked "desire" at every turn. I have another post on this coming up soon.

    Strangely, everything I want lately comes from UK! Not that I'm buying...

    Janet's recent, painful experience is incredibly affecting. Thank you for acknowledging it here.

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  11. What a delightful read.I think we all can related to this topic. I think few people with life experience has one time or another experienced to be in a dead beat job or a job without meaning or purpose. Thats why I think its so important to enjoy the small things in life, like a hug or a kind word from a friend. Thanks for setting things in perspective!

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  12. A fantastic post that everyone should read. Very thought provoking. I am incredibly jealous of the life you had in marketing I can also see why you gave it up and completely applaud you for it. Sorry if you feel that is patronising.

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  13. Wise words. On a material level I always felt that happiness was created by the friction of wishing for something and then making the decision to afford it (even if one had to stretch a bit for it or had to sacrifice another wish/purchase) - so much more interesting and satisfying than just throwing money at something because one can.

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  14. It's all about finding balance. I think that is the word for 2010

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  15. next time I'm choking on a peanut, I want you to style me. xx

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  16. I've felt the same way for quite a bit. Happiness comes only when we are content with what we have and our situation. I know it is so for me.

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  17. I agree with you completely. I've worked in the office/corporate world only twice and, even though it provides a significant amount of creature comforts, I doubt I could do it again. I don't want to be chasing funds to pay for a house that I rarely see (b/c am so busy working for it).

    Thoughtful living and consumption is, for me right now, so much more satisfying. And I love how "making do" is not "doing without."

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  18. I really liked your post.
    It was smart, insightful and honest.
    :)

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  19. It makes me feel happy to know you are content. xoxoxo

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  20. What a fanastic post! Its great that you can be so open about things. Life is hard, and sometimes we do focus our energies on the wrong things as a distraction or substitute for happiness. Though I have to say I sort my knicker draw out by debating if they are fit to be seen should I get knocked down by a bus! I actually had my PhD viva yesterday, and am not entirely convinced it was as happy an occasion as the day I got my 2.55 ha ha ! I am a Dr in forensics so only of use to people when they are already dead, fashion Dr would be sooooo cool! xx

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